At what point do I have to take responsibility for attracting such horrible people ? At what point do I have to take accountability, and say 'I fucked up' after experiencing a pain I've felt a hundred times before? What is the limit? Once? Twice? At what point can I say the problem is me?
That's the common denominator here. Me. Do I continuously seek out violence or do I attract it? Has it really become so familiar that I deny myself happiness because I'm terrified to feel safe? Am I destined to exacerbate my own suffering? When will it stop? When will I finally break? Am I fated to die by the hand of someone I once loved, purely because I don't love myself? Is that the lesson I was put here to learn?
I don't know, but I think I'm finally able to admit I am the problem. Not those that have caused me pain. Me. I know I've said "I'm done" a thousand times before, but this time I mean it. Or at least, I think I do.
How pathetic your life must be for you to feel the need to "one up" every hardship I've experienced. I'm sorry but I don't believe a single fucking word you've said. Every "story" was mine, slathered with a thick varnish, and polished to perfection. My own face stared back at me when hearing your words, yet I never pitied myself- only you. Turns out the person I was empathizing with wasn't you. It was me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Because they were MY words. Regurgitated and rearranged to fit your life, pushed to the extreme to make me feel weaker by comparison. However, despite all of your efforts to paint yourself as the supreme victim, all I am left with is a deepened understanding of my own suffering. Maybe I should thank you for that, but I won't.